New Media versus Reality

As a long-time fan of Coverville, I was disappointed to learn there'd been some kind of kerfuffle at the Coverville 500 concert being held to celebrate 500 episodes of the podcast. The most common story on the Internet about it is that Richard Cheese, a cover artist who specializes in lounge-style covers (and whose first few albums are fucking fantastic) told the audience not to record his performance, grabbed a dude's camera, threw it at him, and spat at someone else. What a dick, right? Except as usual, the Internet is not so good with nuance. Or details. The whole incident is being blown out of all proportion, and it kinda sucks.

But the real thing that's astonishing me is that all these "new media" "superstars" think that just because they have a blog/podcast/YouTube channel/whatever, they're somehow special snowflakes who can do whatever they damn well please and fuck everyone else. I have news for you - you're not special, you're not an exception, and if you're going to keep recording a show after the performer has told you repeatedly not to, don't be surprised when he gets shitty at you. Don't be a fucking tool. Being in "new media" doesn't make you untouchable. And you commenters on these blog posts about it - you're even bigger no-nothing fuckholes with no grasp of reality for flipping your lids about how Cheese has somehow infringed your "right" to do whatever you want. Reading those comments is like reading YouTube comments with marginally better grammar.

But then again, Internet lol.

And full credit to Dick for trolling an entire audience, Clifton-style. I may've thought Silent Nightclub was ass, but this is proving you're still class.

EXCLUSIVE: Barack Obama is a Kenyan!

There's been a lot of buzz, particularly in the right-wing blogosphere, about the fact presidential hopeful Barack Hussein Obama is, in fact, a citizen of Kenya as well as of the United States. Naturally people are concerned, and this is a natural follow-on from the controversy over his faked birth certificate. Well, I am proud to announce a break-through in this. I have for you now, exclusive in the blogosphere, Barack Hussein Obama's real birth certificate:

(click for full size)

As you can see, the evidence is damning, and this man must not be allowed to put into place a new Islamic caliphate in the center of the Christian world!




Credit for the image to Something Awful forums poster Tacodaemon for posting this on the forum, and presumably creating it.

Taiwan's 9/11!!! or A Lesson in Perspective

Every now and then I make the mistake of once again leafing through the TP that passes as newspapers here, and every time I'm immediately reminded why I stopped doing that. Today's example was this.
Now granted, at first this might not look like something worthy of a rant, but the picture doesn't tell the whole story. The first line pretty much does though:

"搖控戰機失控撞樓爆炸，28樓豪宅客廳付之一炬，6人受傷上百住戶疏散，國內首例居民驚呼，「跟911沒兩樣」，玩家依公共危險罪嫌送辦。"
A remote control airplane lost control and collided with a building, exploding and setting ablaze the living room of a 28th-floor luxury apartment. Six were injured and over 100 evacuated from the building. Residents of the nation's capital were shocked, saying "It's just like 9/11". The controller of the airplane has been charged with endangering the public.

While I'm sure this is a serious thing, and the guy who managed to crash a remote control plane and both create that much smoke and injure six people should be dealt with, how in the Christ is this even remotely like 9/11? Sure, a "plane" hit a building in both cases, but come on, one injured six people, one killed thousands. One was, presumably, an accident, the other a premeditated act of terrorism. That's like a caterer showing up to someone's wedding and going, "Well, I know you wanted a three-tier wedding cake, but here, have this cupcake. It's practically the same thing anyway!" Even as a non-American the way this story is being reported seems borderline offensive on top of just being fucking ridiculous.

Sometimes the Taiwanese media seem either desperate to make Taiwan seem relevant internationally (protip: That day is long passed.) or to sensationalize everything in a rabid grasp for ratings that they forget any sense of proportion, and it fucking irritates me. It makes it damn near impossible to get anything resembling news here.

That said though, credit where it's due, the Public Television Service (website in Chinese only) does do some fantastic work, and not only in news and current affairs, and they really should be commended at every opportunity. If only there were more media outlets willing to follow their model rather than that of the newspaper-shaped turd that is the Apple Daily.

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Condensed China: Chinese History for Beginners

Condensed China: Chinese History for Beginners

And the second link for today: a (very) condensed introduction to Chinese history, from the Xia right through to the modern People's Republic. As is to be expected from something like this, the cross-strait situation is all but entirely ignored, but it is a history of China, so far enough. That caveat aside, this is an awesome introduction to a topic that is otherwise one of the more lengthy, involved, and to be entirely honest stone-cold boring to get into. It gives enough details to be informative and offer a launching pad for further investigation, while not being so detailed as to overwhelm readers. Very well done site and well worth a visit.

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Don’t Fire The Translator … Yet

Don’t Fire The Translator … Yet | The Elastic Life

In lieu of any sort of genuine activity on here - although it's returning to mind - I'm planning to post a few interesting links, articles, and whatnot that I find lying around the Internet, particularly while I'm still in the process of trying to set up a more focused, less personal blog elsewhere. For now, at least, enjoy.

First up is the article linked above which I literally stumbled upon in the course of being bored on the Internet. It's a brief but interesting musing on the business opportunities still available in the translation industry outside of the act of translating and while full machine translation is still a pipe dream. (A period I hope and expect will be a very, very long one.)

Blogged with the Flock Browser

You're Doing It Wrong

Saw a good minor example of "you're doing it wrong" today. After completing my duties at one of the local public facilities, just as I finish washing my hands and turn for the door, I see a guy burst in, wash his hands, then go into the cubicle. Wait, what?

Additionally, god I wish I'd had my phone on me this afternoon. I saw an awesome classic mullet. There're quite a few mullets around here, but they're mostly trendy Jappo mullets, all fashionable and shit. They're still mullets though. But this dude today, holy shit. Classic business-up-front, party-out-back mullet - flat-top, shorn sides, and hair going halfway down his back looking all unwashed and hell of icky. Fucking epic mullet, and I wish I could've shared it with y'all.

Party Like It's 1989

God fucking damn I love YouTube sometimes:

Strange Things in a Strange Land

Sometimes things happen, wherever you are, that just defy all logic, all reason. Things to which no logical sequence of events could possibly lead. I saw just such a thing yesterday, and I will probably never figure it out.

I spent the afternoon at the Starbucks by Daan MRT station finishing off some work. With that down, I headed out to the MRT station to head home. As I approach the station entrance, I see a huge crowd gathered around, and while crowds of people are nothing special in Taipei, this crowd was actually stationary and focused on something. Something probably connected to the wailing, screaming kid noises. Getting closer, I see the sight, the scene that just fucking bewilders me still.

A little girl, no older than seven or eight, tops, is lying, if you can call it that, on the top handrail of steps leading into the station, flailing and crying, her legs wrapped around the handrail for dear life. (Bear in mind, there are only a handful of steps, and the handrail's probably a meter or so above them, so that was odd in and of itself.) Next to the kid is a parent - a fucking whale of a parent at that, to the point where I couldn't tell if it was mother or father 'cause at that size it would have had tits either way - grappling with the flailing monster, trying desperately to wrap their offspring in a towel. A towel? Yes, for a very specific - I hesitate to say good - reason. Now this is the part that renders the scene utterly unintelligible:

The kid was soaking wet, head to toe, and buck fucking naked.

So to recap: In central Taipei, a city of roughly six million people, this kid somehow ended up:

• At the MRT station
• Angry/mental
• Wrapped around a handrail
• Soaking wet, and
  
• Butt naked

I just don't know how in the hell that's even possible. Seriously, what the fuck. What sequence of events could possibly end in that result?

The world is a fucked up place sometimes.

Insert Appropriate Theme

I feel like motherfucking MacGyver. All set for the inevitable in-flight power drain problem.
Truant, you're the man now dawg.
http://truancyreport.blogspot.com/2006/08/make-ipod-power-pack-for-7usd.html

中文部落格首部曲︰幽靈的部落格

跟其他的在台灣寫部落格的老外聊天之後，決定了寫自己的中文部落格。覺得已經有部落格，還要練習一下，不妨試試看。可是最近沒有什麼有意思的事件發生，每什麼好寫。寫[幽靈]好像真的適合。

hahahaha oh wow

The new Blogger Analytics interface, despite a few issues, is quality entertainment. It now provides a list of keywords/phrases used by people that stumbled upon your site. Here's a selection of the best/worst for last week:

"that's no good for me"
- Why the fuck is anyone Googling for this? And what do you expect to get? More to the point, why would you want to get it if it's no good for you?

"medieval times making life simpler"
- Ah, the good old days, when you could own slaves, shit wherever the urge took you, and families got together for a cheerful weekend witch-burning.

"cryptic messages"
- I don't even know what the hell is going on with this.

"weird things people do from other countries"
- Well, at least it's appropriate. A little... vague, search-wise, and kind of mindfuckingly ignorant, but hey.

"black people 'when you see it' 'shit bricks'"
- Nigger stole my bike.

"eight year olds dude"
- I know, I know, but still.

"chargin mah lazer vagina"
- And I thought dentata were scary enough. I hope to every available deity I never come across (lol innuendo) a "lazer vagina," let alone a fully charged one.

It Was A Good Day (Week)

Pfft, as if a week off from this is anything new.

It was a good week. Got most of my work handled by the middle of the week, then made the most of the good weather on Friday, chilling out in the park, and then hitting up Yangmingshan Saturday afternoon. It's nice up there, nice and sunny, up above the smog and shit of Taipei, and full of people doing normal people shit you don't see in Taipei normally, like a family in the park playing backyard baseball. Nice recharge, and I'll slap up a few photos once I figure how to get the transfers off my phone working.

The nights were good too. Friday went out to Alleycat's at the invitation of Frost and got a nice dinner, chatting with people (and learning about the freakish genius of Blue Jam), before briefly going to the Taiwan Beer Bar and then to a place near the BJJ club called Playing, where me, Miltownkid, Pedro, and a few others hit up the hookah and potato wedges. Saturday, Bryan had a DJ gig at The Source, so from midnight till about 4 I was there making the most of the all-you-can-drink offer and spitting bilingual game like a modded PS2.

Then back into BJJ tonight after a week off for work/injuries/dodginess.

It was a good week.

Reasons I Hate My Job

Perfect example today of why I want out of this buxiban gig. Unfortunately for the time being I need the money. Going to Norway ain't paying for itself.

After arriving a half-hour late for an hour-and-a-half appointment, she brings this much information:

Academic Background: Studied to first year senior high in Taiwan, moved to Canada, studied at UBC.
Applying for: Business
Goals: Europe is a hub of global business and a major player on the world stage. Chose to study in England to broaden her horizons beyond Taiwan and North America. Hopes to have a chance to develop in Europe and apply her studies to the workplace, and help develop trade links between China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong.

Somehow I'm supposed to get a two-page long study plan out of that. For fuck's sake.

09-f9-11-02-9d-74-e3-5b-d8-41-56-c5-63, also known as Tempting Fate

Is it can be Intertubes lawyering letter tiem now pleez?

(For the uninitiated - as I was until today: http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/02/the_new_hddvdbl.html)

Tap!

Crackers Fit for a Fuhrer

It's no Dongda Hospital for Anus and Intestine Disease, but I finally discovered a new piece of quality English. I'm not sure if it's a pun, a bad idea, a bad translation, or completely innocent and anything wrong is in my mind rather than their product, though. Here's the source - a packet of rice crackers from Thailand:


It's not immediately obvious - which makes it even better - but look more closely at the top left corner:

Disregarding any possible Aryan connotations, the title is fair enough - this stuff is hell of tasty.

Pardon the Solemnity

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

I've Choked Bitches Out for Less

I think I finally became part of the club at training Monday night. Pedro was teaching us noobs how to do rear control (lol gay jokes). Then, soon after, we moved on to a submission from that position - something I'm sure you're all familiar with, the sleeper hold.

Now this guy I was training with, as Sinclair noted, clearly has some issues with his fight or flight reflex; that is to say, he doesn't seem to have one. First couple of times we practiced, he got a good hold on and I tapped quickly, but then after I tried it a couple of times, I'm holding it there, waiting for the tap, when suddenly he just spasms for a moment, then Pedro leaps up and pulls me off him.

I now understand why they call it a sleeper.

This guy had not only passed out, he actually began snoring, and not just nasally grunty type snoring, but Looney Tunes-esque, cheeks flapping around type snoring.

Pedro sorted him out quick, and we tried again. A couple of tries later and boom, same result. Right down to the snoring. Seriously, it's not that hard to figure out when to tap - when you start feeling a headrush, it's time to pussy out.

Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K

One of the latest mysteries of Taiwan - and presumably other countries, but I'm not in other countries - to rear its head and occupy my mind is this:

Why do convenience stores advertise on TV?



What's the point? No-one has and brand loyalty to any particular convenience store; if I want to go buy a Coke or whatever, I go to the nearest store, I don't home in on, say, 7-Eleven. The only times anyone specifically goes to store x are when that store has a particular thing others don't - for instance, as far as I know Family Mart is the only one that sells SkypeOut credit - or, for some people, if you want to collect that rubbish they give away.

I know it must serve some purpose, surely. There has to be some effect. But I don't see it. I just don't get it. I understand why fast food chains advertise - there's a genuine preference issue there; some people prefer Burger King, others prefer McDonalds, and the role of advertising is essentially conversion. But that doesn't work for convenience stores.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

Been working most of the night on an article for Taiwan Panorama and came across what might be the single most unexpected cultural (or rather, cross-cultural) reference in any Chinese-language text I have ever read. A section heading in the article reads:

馬蓋先的養成 (ma3gai4xian1 de yang3cheng2)

I read that and figured Ma Gaixian must be some dude's name. I googled it to be sure, and found out what it is. It is a dude. Very much a dude. And a dude that was apparently huge in Taiwan back in the day. That dude? See if this rings any bells:



(For those of you either too senile to remember that theme or jonesing for the original: here you go. And the clip's even rocking the old-school 2.)