Mixed Eggs I Have Met

New Media versus Reality

2008-08-25T15:17:00.004+08:00

As a long-time fan of Coverville, I was disappointed to learn there'd been some kind of kerfuffle at the Coverville 500 concert being held to celebrate 500 episodes of the podcast. The most common story on the Internet about it is that Richard Cheese, a cover artist who specializes in lounge-style covers (and whose first few albums are fucking fantastic) told the audience not to record his performance, grabbed a dude's camera, threw it at him, and spat at someone else. What a dick, right? Except as usual, the Internet is not so good with nuance. Or details. The whole incident is being blown out of all proportion, and it kinda sucks.

But the real thing that's astonishing me is that all these "new media" "superstars" think that just because they have a blog/podcast/YouTube channel/whatever, they're somehow special snowflakes who can do whatever they damn well please and fuck everyone else. I have news for you - you're not special, you're not an exception, and if you're going to keep recording a show after the performer has told you repeatedly not to, don't be surprised when he gets shitty at you. Don't be a fucking tool. Being in "new media" doesn't make you untouchable. And you commenters on these blog posts about it - you're even bigger no-nothing fuckholes with no grasp of reality for flipping your lids about how Cheese has somehow infringed your "right" to do whatever you want. Reading those comments is like reading YouTube comments with marginally better grammar.

But then again, Internet lol.

And full credit to Dick for trolling an entire audience, Clifton-style. I may've thought Silent Nightclub was ass, but this is proving you're still class.

EXCLUSIVE: Barack Obama is a Kenyan!

2008-08-20T13:13:00.004+08:00

There's been a lot of buzz, particularly in the right-wing blogosphere, about the fact presidential hopeful Barack Hussein Obama is, in fact, a citizen of Kenya as well as of the United States. Naturally people are concerned, and this is a natural follow-on from the controversy over his faked birth certificate. Well, I am proud to announce a break-through in this. I have for you now, exclusive in the blogosphere, Barack Hussein Obama's real birth certificate:

(click for full size)

As you can see, the evidence is damning, and this man must not be allowed to put into place a new Islamic caliphate in the center of the Christian world!

Credit for the image to Something Awful forums poster Tacodaemon for posting this on the forum, and presumably creating it.

Taiwan's 9/11!!! or A Lesson in Perspective

2008-07-04T21:21:00.001+08:00

Every now and then I make the mistake of once again leafing through the TP that passes as newspapers here, and every time I'm immediately reminded why I stopped doing that. Today's example was this.
Now granted, at first this might not look like something worthy of a rant, but the picture doesn't tell the whole story. The first line pretty much does though:

"搖控戰機失控撞樓爆炸，28樓豪宅客廳付之一炬，6人受傷上百住戶疏散，國內首例居民驚呼，「跟911沒兩樣」，玩家依公共危險罪嫌送辦。"
A remote control airplane lost control and collided with a building, exploding and setting ablaze the living room of a 28th-floor luxury apartment. Six were injured and over 100 evacuated from the building. Residents of the nation's capital were shocked, saying "It's just like 9/11". The controller of the airplane has been charged with endangering the public.

While I'm sure this is a serious thing, and the guy who managed to crash a remote control plane and both create that much smoke and injure six people should be dealt with, how in the Christ is this even remotely like 9/11? Sure, a "plane" hit a building in both cases, but come on, one injured six people, one killed thousands. One was, presumably, an accident, the other a premeditated act of terrorism. That's like a caterer showing up to someone's wedding and going, "Well, I know you wanted a three-tier wedding cake, but here, have this cupcake. It's practically the same thing anyway!" Even as a non-American the way this story is being reported seems borderline offensive on top of just being fucking ridiculous.

Sometimes the Taiwanese media seem either desperate to make Taiwan seem relevant internationally (protip: That day is long passed.) or to sensationalize everything in a rabid grasp for ratings that they forget any sense of proportion, and it fucking irritates me. It makes it damn near impossible to get anything resembling news here.

That said though, credit where it's due, the Public Television Service (website in Chinese only) does do some fantastic work, and not only in news and current affairs, and they really should be commended at every opportunity. If only there were more media outlets willing to follow their model rather than that of the newspaper-shaped turd that is the Apple Daily.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Condensed China: Chinese History for Beginners

2008-07-04T01:22:00.001+08:00

Condensed China: Chinese History for Beginners

And the second link for today: a (very) condensed introduction to Chinese history, from the Xia right through to the modern People's Republic. As is to be expected from something like this, the cross-strait situation is all but entirely ignored, but it is a history of China, so far enough. That caveat aside, this is an awesome introduction to a topic that is otherwise one of the more lengthy, involved, and to be entirely honest stone-cold boring to get into. It gives enough details to be informative and offer a launching pad for further investigation, while not being so detailed as to overwhelm readers. Very well done site and well worth a visit.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Don’t Fire The Translator … Yet

2008-07-04T01:05:00.001+08:00

Don’t Fire The Translator … Yet | The Elastic Life

In lieu of any sort of genuine activity on here - although it's returning to mind - I'm planning to post a few interesting links, articles, and whatnot that I find lying around the Internet, particularly while I'm still in the process of trying to set up a more focused, less personal blog elsewhere. For now, at least, enjoy.

First up is the article linked above which I literally stumbled upon in the course of being bored on the Internet. It's a brief but interesting musing on the business opportunities still available in the translation industry outside of the act of translating and while full machine translation is still a pipe dream. (A period I hope and expect will be a very, very long one.)

Blogged with the Flock Browser

You're Doing It Wrong

2007-06-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Saw a good minor example of "you're doing it wrong" today. After completing my duties at one of the local public facilities, just as I finish washing my hands and turn for the door, I see a guy burst in, wash his hands, then go into the cubicle. Wait, what?

Additionally, god I wish I'd had my phone on me this afternoon. I saw an awesome classic mullet. There're quite a few mullets around here, but they're mostly trendy Jappo mullets, all fashionable and shit. They're still mullets though. But this dude today, holy shit. Classic business-up-front, party-out-back mullet - flat-top, shorn sides, and hair going halfway down his back looking all unwashed and hell of icky. Fucking epic mullet, and I wish I could've shared it with y'all.

Party Like It's 1989

2007-06-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

God fucking damn I love YouTube sometimes:

Strange Things in a Strange Land

2007-06-12T13:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes things happen, wherever you are, that just defy all logic, all reason. Things to which no logical sequence of events could possibly lead. I saw just such a thing yesterday, and I will probably never figure it out.

I spent the afternoon at the Starbucks by Daan MRT station finishing off some work. With that down, I headed out to the MRT station to head home. As I approach the station entrance, I see a huge crowd gathered around, and while crowds of people are nothing special in Taipei, this crowd was actually stationary and focused on something. Something probably connected to the wailing, screaming kid noises. Getting closer, I see the sight, the scene that just fucking bewilders me still.

A little girl, no older than seven or eight, tops, is lying, if you can call it that, on the top handrail of steps leading into the station, flailing and crying, her legs wrapped around the handrail for dear life. (Bear in mind, there are only a handful of steps, and the handrail's probably a meter or so above them, so that was odd in and of itself.) Next to the kid is a parent - a fucking whale of a parent at that, to the point where I couldn't tell if it was mother or father 'cause at that size it would have had tits either way - grappling with the flailing monster, trying desperately to wrap their offspring in a towel. A towel? Yes, for a very specific - I hesitate to say good - reason. Now this is the part that renders the scene utterly unintelligible:

The kid was soaking wet, head to toe, and buck fucking naked.

So to recap: In central Taipei, a city of roughly six million people, this kid somehow ended up:

At the MRT station
Angry/mental
Wrapped around a handrail
Soaking wet, and
Butt naked

I just don't know how in the hell that's even possible. Seriously, what the fuck. What sequence of events could possibly end in that result?

The world is a fucked up place sometimes.

Insert Appropriate Theme

2007-06-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

I feel like motherfucking MacGyver. All set for the inevitable in-flight power drain problem.
Truant, you're the man now dawg.
http://truancyreport.blogspot.com/2006/08/make-ipod-power-pack-for-7usd.html

中文部落格首部曲︰幽靈的部落格

2007-05-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

跟其他的在台灣寫部落格的老外聊天之後，決定了寫自己的中文部落格。覺得已經有部落格，還要練習一下，不妨試試看。可是最近沒有什麼有意思的事件發生，每什麼好寫。寫[幽靈]好像真的適合。

hahahaha oh wow

2007-05-15T14:03:00.000+08:00

The new Blogger Analytics interface, despite a few issues, is quality entertainment. It now provides a list of keywords/phrases used by people that stumbled upon your site. Here's a selection of the best/worst for last week:

"that's no good for me"
- Why the fuck is anyone Googling for this? And what do you expect to get? More to the point, why would you want to get it if it's no good for you?

"medieval times making life simpler"
- Ah, the good old days, when you could own slaves, shit wherever the urge took you, and families got together for a cheerful weekend witch-burning.

"cryptic messages"
- I don't even know what the hell is going on with this.

"weird things people do from other countries"
- Well, at least it's appropriate. A little... vague, search-wise, and kind of mindfuckingly ignorant, but hey.

"black people 'when you see it' 'shit bricks'"
- Nigger stole my bike.

"eight year olds dude"
- I know, I know, but still.

"chargin mah lazer vagina"
- And I thought dentata were scary enough. I hope to every available deity I never come across (lol innuendo) a "lazer vagina," let alone a fully charged one.

It Was A Good Day (Week)

2007-05-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

Pfft, as if a week off from this is anything new.

It was a good week. Got most of my work handled by the middle of the week, then made the most of the good weather on Friday, chilling out in the park, and then hitting up Yangmingshan Saturday afternoon. It's nice up there, nice and sunny, up above the smog and shit of Taipei, and full of people doing normal people shit you don't see in Taipei normally, like a family in the park playing backyard baseball. Nice recharge, and I'll slap up a few photos once I figure how to get the transfers off my phone working.

The nights were good too. Friday went out to Alleycat's at the invitation of Frost and got a nice dinner, chatting with people (and learning about the freakish genius of Blue Jam), before briefly going to the Taiwan Beer Bar and then to a place near the BJJ club called Playing, where me, Miltownkid, Pedro, and a few others hit up the hookah and potato wedges. Saturday, Bryan had a DJ gig at The Source, so from midnight till about 4 I was there making the most of the all-you-can-drink offer and spitting bilingual game like a modded PS2.

Then back into BJJ tonight after a week off for work/injuries/dodginess.

It was a good week.

Reasons I Hate My Job

2007-05-04T12:57:00.000+08:00

Perfect example today of why I want out of this buxiban gig. Unfortunately for the time being I need the money. Going to Norway ain't paying for itself.

After arriving a half-hour late for an hour-and-a-half appointment, she brings this much information:

Academic Background: Studied to first year senior high in Taiwan, moved to Canada, studied at UBC.
Applying for: Business
Goals: Europe is a hub of global business and a major player on the world stage. Chose to study in England to broaden her horizons beyond Taiwan and North America. Hopes to have a chance to develop in Europe and apply her studies to the workplace, and help develop trade links between China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong.

Somehow I'm supposed to get a two-page long study plan out of that. For fuck's sake.

09-f9-11-02-9d-74-e3-5b-d8-41-56-c5-63, also known as Tempting Fate

2007-05-04T02:25:00.000+08:00

Is it can be Intertubes lawyering letter tiem now pleez?

(For the uninitiated - as I was until today: http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/02/the_new_hddvdbl.html)

Tap!

2007-04-30T16:06:00.000+08:00

Crackers Fit for a Fuhrer

2007-04-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

It's no Dongda Hospital for Anus and Intestine Disease, but I finally discovered a new piece of quality English. I'm not sure if it's a pun, a bad idea, a bad translation, or completely innocent and anything wrong is in my mind rather than their product, though. Here's the source - a packet of rice crackers from Thailand:

It's not immediately obvious - which makes it even better - but look more closely at the top left corner:

Disregarding any possible Aryan connotations, the title is fair enough - this stuff is hell of tasty.

Pardon the Solemnity

2007-04-25T17:26:00.000+08:00

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

I've Choked Bitches Out for Less

2007-04-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

I think I finally became part of the club at training Monday night. Pedro was teaching us noobs how to do rear control (lol gay jokes). Then, soon after, we moved on to a submission from that position - something I'm sure you're all familiar with, the sleeper hold.

Now this guy I was training with, as Sinclair noted, clearly has some issues with his fight or flight reflex; that is to say, he doesn't seem to have one. First couple of times we practiced, he got a good hold on and I tapped quickly, but then after I tried it a couple of times, I'm holding it there, waiting for the tap, when suddenly he just spasms for a moment, then Pedro leaps up and pulls me off him.

I now understand why they call it a sleeper.

This guy had not only passed out, he actually began snoring, and not just nasally grunty type snoring, but Looney Tunes-esque, cheeks flapping around type snoring.

Pedro sorted him out quick, and we tried again. A couple of tries later and boom, same result. Right down to the snoring. Seriously, it's not that hard to figure out when to tap - when you start feeling a headrush, it's time to pussy out.

Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K

2007-04-17T11:19:00.000+08:00

One of the latest mysteries of Taiwan - and presumably other countries, but I'm not in other countries - to rear its head and occupy my mind is this:

Why do convenience stores advertise on TV?

What's the point? No-one has and brand loyalty to any particular convenience store; if I want to go buy a Coke or whatever, I go to the nearest store, I don't home in on, say, 7-Eleven. The only times anyone specifically goes to store x are when that store has a particular thing others don't - for instance, as far as I know Family Mart is the only one that sells SkypeOut credit - or, for some people, if you want to collect that rubbish they give away.

I know it must serve some purpose, surely. There has to be some effect. But I don't see it. I just don't get it. I understand why fast food chains advertise - there's a genuine preference issue there; some people prefer Burger King, others prefer McDonalds, and the role of advertising is essentially conversion. But that doesn't work for convenience stores.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

2007-04-16T04:06:00.000+08:00

Been working most of the night on an article for Taiwan Panorama and came across what might be the single most unexpected cultural (or rather, cross-cultural) reference in any Chinese-language text I have ever read. A section heading in the article reads:

馬蓋先的養成 (ma3gai4xian1 de yang3cheng2)

I read that and figured Ma Gaixian must be some dude's name. I googled it to be sure, and found out what it is. It is a dude. Very much a dude. And a dude that was apparently huge in Taiwan back in the day. That dude? See if this rings any bells:

(For those of you either too senile to remember that theme or jonesing for the original: here you go. And the clip's even rocking the old-school 2.)

Paisei Seems to be the Hardest Word

2007-04-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

I finally had a student at the buxiban of the type that motivated the naming of this blog.

After being 10 minutes late for his first appointment last week, and 40 minutes late yesterday, this dumbshit managed to be a full hour late today. Both today and yesterday were 11am appointments, so after yesterday you'd think he'd figure out to leave home earlier. Apparently not. Instead, he demonstrated that most frustrating, quintessentially Taiwanese of traits: paisei.

For the uninitiated, paisei is basically Taiwanese for "sorry," but in Taiwan it's become a state of mind. To be paisei, basically all you have to do is make a completely unmeant apology by saying paisei a couple of times, bow a little, and smile relentlessly. Don't actually apologize though, and never mean it. Basically, it's like groveling and retardation mixed into one delightful ball of shit.

So this guy comes in an hour late, sits down, and utterly refuses to comprehend why I told him that being an hour late for a 40-minute appointment was unsatisfactory and to make a new appointment. He ended up making an appointment for 1pm tomorrow. Let's see if he's learned his lesson.

Goddamn Fucking Domain Squatters

2007-04-09T19:23:00.000+08:00

Looks like the ownership of the host domain for that song got snatched up by a bunch of squatting faggots. Here's a new link, hosted on Rapidshare this time:

Beefy feat. Drown Radio - The Sound

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' (What)

2007-04-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

Went down on Saturday to the Taiwan Brazilian Jiujitsu Club to check out the free into lesson-thing with Pedro the Black Belt Pimp. One of the only adjectives I can think of to describe that stuff is "rapey". There's something inarguably rapey about throwing someone to the ground, pinning them there, and straddling their chest. Despite that, it was actually pretty fun, and finances allowing I might give that shit a shot.

In other news, have a free song. It's genuinely free too, like being given away by the artist and shit, and I've been listening to it heaps this past week. Be warned - heavy concentrations of white rapping nerds ahead.

Beefy (feat. Drown Radio) - The Sound

IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZER

2007-04-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

After a quick tweak to Google Analytics, I'm now able to get referral URLs telling me where people are coming from to get here. And it's taught me something scary: apparently this blog is in top 10 results (number seven right now) when people Google for "Imma chargin' mah lazer" and "Imma firin' mah lazer" (number eight for that one). To celebrate this oddity of Googlage:

Temporarily Stairs

2007-04-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

- Mitch Hedberg

In Taipei Main Station on Monday, I was heading down to the MRT Blue Line, making my way along with the crowd to one of the escalators down to the platform. I get there, and just as I'm about to step onto the escalator, this stupid fat bitch in white turns around and starts walking back up and off the escalator. It was at this point I realize the escalator's not moving. OK, that's a surprise, but I don't see why it merits getting off the escalator. But then she one-ups that; she walks across about a foot, and starts walking down the stairs instead.

Um..... yeah. OK.

I Scoff at Your So-called "Rule of Law"

2007-04-02T13:48:00.000+08:00

Finally, today, proof that Taiwanese are not devoid of a sense of irony. I hope.

Former Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) chairman Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九), who is to appear in court for a hearing tomorrow, said yesterday he would run for president next year even if the court were to render a guilty verdict.
"If the first trial finds me guilty, I will still run" said Ma, who is set to register his candidacy for the KMT presidential primary soon.
"They would not get what they want by trying to use litigation to beset me, or even knock me down," he said.
Ma is suspected of embezzling NT$11 million (US$332,425) and was indicted on Feb. 13 on corruption charges.

Source: Taipei Times, April 2

Now a Taiwanese politician ignoring the law and common sense is nothing new, but bear in mind, this man has a Bachelor of Law from National Taiwan University, an LL.M. from New York University, and an S.J.D. from Harvard. The man understands the concept of "guilty means you did bad shit". And the idea that a convicted criminal, especially one convicted of stealing public money, should not be running the country should not be that hard for a Harvard graduate to fully comprehend.

Reading The View from Taiwan the other day, I found a link to this blog post, wherein the blogger in question wonders aloud why so many foreigners in Taiwan seem so pessimistic about the place. Protip: Bullshit like this is why.

Allahu Snackbar

2007-03-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

After hearing about the place in the weekend from my flatmate Bryan, I finally managed to hit up Sababa Pita Bar today. Apparently they opened back in October or November, but this is the first I've heard of it, which is surprising. It's absolutely excellent.

The food is all nice and cheap, with pita sandwich type things costing NT$98 (NT$148 with chips and a drink), and the "cigars" - Middle Eastern spring rolls, basically - are delicious, particularly the Moroccan (spiced mince with pine nuts). I went down this afternoon and tried the chicken souvlaki pita and two cigars - the Moroccan and the Egyptian (spicy cheese). NT$244 in total, and a hell of a good feed. Tasty, freshly made, friendly service (with staff that actually speak English, rather than just pretending to)... top shelf the whole way. It is a little small, and their hours need some work (11:30am-9:00pm), but those are minor issues. They also do take-out and sell pita, hummus, tahini, and such in bulk. Strongly recommended for those of you in Taipei.

The restaurant's address is 1F, Alley 54, Lane 118, Heping E. Rd. Sec. 2, but the easiest way to get there is head to the corner of Fuxing S. and Xinhai, turn right onto Xinhai, right again at the Hi-life convenience store, and then first left. There's a map on the site that makes it clearer than that muddied-up pile of shit description though.

Eight-year-olds, Dude.

2007-03-26T22:08:00.000+08:00

Link

Yatta!

2007-03-22T00:07:00.000+08:00

Both Sides Now

2007-03-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

Finally got off my ass and made it back down to Riverside for the first time in a while to check out one of my favorite indie acts here, Coach. Unfortunately, first I had to sit through the support act. (pic related)

The first act of the double-header, and as such the first hour of two, was a band I'd heard of only in passing, The White Eyes. As it turns out, there's a reason "in passing" is the most I've heard of them. They represent almost everything that is epic fail in Taiwanese popular and youth culture. The music is technically tolerable, but they desperately, desperately want to be punk, except for the fact they have none of the talent, emotion, experience, or linguistic capability necessary to do so. The guitarists do nothing more than thrash out the same piece of shit "melody" that they've robotically memorized for EVERY. SINGLE. SONG., while the "vocalist" - in the loosest sense of the term - screams incoherent English lyrics into the microphone. Even better, she seems to have decided that punk = British, so she does all this with an amazingly affected pseudo-English accent and peppering her songs with Britishisms like "bloody," despite clearly not understanding them. This leads to her sounding like the bastard love child of Sid Vicious and Mushmouth, but without the eloquence. Even worse, they have no stage presence. None. Zero. It was the loudest hour of boredom ever.

tl;dr: The White Eyes are fucking lifeless, soulless, poor excuses for robotic punks.

But then Coach came on, and renewed my faith in Taiwan and Taiwanese music.
These boys know how to put on a fucking show. Talking shit to each other and the audience between songs, getting the audience singing along - no mean feat here either, each of the instruments working together instead of sounding like a bunch of showoffy fucks, and a lead vocalist who stalks and bounces around the stage like he owns that shit. The sheer energy they put out in that hour had everyone in the crowd enjoying themselves. Good thing, too, since last time I saw them they put on a decidedly average show, and sounded like they were going soft. Turns out that was a slump, at worst.

You'd think in a culture so oppressive of creativity, independence, and individualism, Taiwanese youth would freak the fuck out like their Japanese counterparts do. But no, most just buckle under the pressure and become robots capable of little more than soulless memorization and repetition. Thank God there are some who manage to come out of the process with some sense of themselves. That minority give me faith that perhaps there's a chance Taiwan's going to end up alright after all.

For your listening pleasure (and as a reward for getting through all that crap): Coach - Ballet Girl (mp3)

Lords and Ladies, Welcome to Medieval Times!

2007-03-18T01:47:00.000+08:00

In yet more proof that flying to Taiwan must at some point involve a trip backward in time - it's the only explanation for much of the weirdness here - this story from Saturday's Taipei Times talks about protests over the closure of Losheng Leprosarium in Taipei County.

It's not the protests, nor the closure of the leprosarium that has me confused. No, it's much simpler than that. What the hell is a (presumably) developed country in the 21st century doing with a fucking leper colony? I thought that stopped getting taken seriously around about the time they stopped bleeding people to cure diseases. How on Earth does a country responsible for making some of the more high-tech components for iconic 21st century products like iPods, Wii's, and big-ass TV's simultaneously also have such archaic ideas about, well, anyone who's even remotely different to the hoi polloi? This is madness!

A New Low for the Taiwanese Media

2007-03-16T13:58:00.000+08:00

One habit I wish I could break is watching the news channels here from time to time. As anyone who's seen them will know, I use "news" in the loosest possible definition. For the uninformed, these channels make Entertainment Tonight look like BBC News in terms of content, ethics, style, and general value to society.

That being said, one of the channels - I forget which - hit a new low, something I had previously imagined impossible. But they did it. They reported, po-faced and with dead seriousness, a televised assault by Donald Trump on another celebrity. That celebrity? The video below (in particular the last 30 seconds) should make it crystal clear:

Again I ask: Seriously, what the fuck? How is it the Taiwanese news media manage to be more naive and gullible than a 10-year-old child?

My Karmic Checking Account Runneth Over

2007-03-14T01:13:00.000+08:00

The universe apparently approves of my actions of the past couple of weeks. At Chinese New Year, and after some inspiration, I've finally gotten around to trying to get my work shit serious. I've got some nice pimp business cards (not quite American Psycho, but fuck it, good enough for me), signed up on a couple of professional translation community sites, hooked up my own website (in good time, in good time), sorted out my resume, all that shit. And in the space of two weeks I've landed two new clients - through recommendations, so I must be doing something right - with a potentially fucking awesome job waiting approval. The goal is to be able to ditch my buxiban work - or most of it - by the time my ARC is due this December, and live off freelance and ~~Sinorama~~ Taiwan Panorama work. Once that shit's golden, it might be time to consider hitting up Taichung or Kaohsiung instead of Taipei, rocking the cheaper rent and nicer weather, and rolling like a motherfucking P I M P. That said, leaving Taipei could suck for all kinds of reasons, but whatever, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

Battle Fatigue

2007-03-10T22:25:00.000+08:00

THIS IS MADNESS!

2007-03-08T18:06:00.000+08:00

Bah Humpig

2007-02-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

I feel for any of you who're stuck with watching Western media over Chinese New Year, because their bullshit is grating already. First is CNN's constant reference to the "Golden Pig" year being "rare" - bullshit it's rare. It's no more rare than October 10, or any other date or time you can predict 100% accurately in advance and that happens regularly, once per cycle. In this case, it's exactly the same time every 60 years, just like every other combination of zodiac and element in the Chinese system. Is April 3 "rare" because it only happens once every 365 days?

Second is their harping on this. Yes, it's definitely a superstition in these parts - and people are retarded superstitious - but here's a reality check on all that "Golden Pig babies are destined for good fortune" - people born during the last Golden Pig year include:

Tom DeLay, for whom life must look REAL rosy.
William S. Burroughs Jr., who despite being born into quite the family managed to fuck it right up.
Marian Hobbs.
A fair proportion of the up to 43.5 million Chinese who died in the Cultural Revolution and Great Leap Forward.
And Subhash Kak, who just has a funny name.

And that's just getting into the K's. Destined for good fortune my comically oversized ass.

Hey I have a question

2007-02-17T05:33:00.000+08:00

Which circle of hell is reserved for people who ogle a cute chick's tits while her elder brother is seathed right across from them?

(There would be a picture of tits here but I'm too lazy)

Incongruity

2007-02-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

There are moments when this country doesn't so much annoy, frustrate, or amuse me as it does just fucking boggle the mind. Moments like today, when I saw the bus-side ad for the movie Ghost Rider, which included the standard note about who was performing the Chinese-language "theme" for the thing. Now Taiwan's remarkably thin on anything even remotely approaching masculine musically, but surely they're taking the piss now.

The performers of the theme song for Ghost Rider are 5566 - these guys:

For your reference, this is Ghost Rider:

Seriously. What the fuck people.

More Mixed Eggs

2007-01-16T10:59:00.000+08:00

General frustration time: Imagine an English-speaking country where most people couldn't tell the difference between "thank" and "sank". Welcome to the English equivalent of Taiwanese Mandarin. It's even more frustrating when you encounter a dumb fuck who can't even recognize the difference in writing. Jesus Christ I need to find more work so I can do less of this godforsaken buxiban shit.

Reasons Why Not, #1

2007-01-12T13:47:00.000+08:00

So yesterday (local time), the pretty bastard piece of kit on the left was announced. And already in the Herald I see a story reflecting one of the reasons that despite the frequent idiocy and frustration Taiwan provides, I'm in no hurry to return to NZ for any substantial length of time:

Running Apple's new iPhone could in the future cost New Zealand users hundreds of dollars a month. And it could be 10 years before the mobile broadband needed to run the phones is affordable.

Full story

Meanwhile here in Taipei, I've got an, IIRC, 8M-down broadband connection at home, no data cap, flat monthly rate of like NZ$20 a month, and a city mostly covered by a (non-free) WiFi network, and shittons of WiFi hotspots, free and pay, throughout the city. That shit is going to be no concern. The only major concern is going to be the whopping fucking US$500 price tag. Fuck that noise. I may want an iPhone, but not for that price.

lols cryptic messages

2007-01-10T17:02:00.001+08:00

See what I did there, bitch?

When you see it, you'll shit bricks.

2007-01-03T02:58:00.000+08:00

Mixed Eggs 101: Giant Enemy Crabs

2007-01-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

To usher in the new year, I scored a minor victory for all frustrated Chinese-speaking foreigners in Taipei tonight. After choosing to piss away some money on a mediocre steak dinner at the Outback Steak House, I made my way to said location. The staff were friendly and the service was decent - nothing short of a minor miracle for the Taiwanese service industry - and so I did the standard being nice and friendly back thing, as you do.
Now, being the Outback Steak House, where they seem to pride themselves on their English, the whole proceeding took place in English, and the staff are by and large pretty good at the language, so no problem there. But as my dining progressed, I began to overhear the staff behind the bar - where I was sitting - cracking jokes and commenting about the foreigner there. Nothing offensive, aside from the fact they were doing it all in Chinese. This is by no means an exclusively local habit - lord knows there's a shit-ton of foreigners about that talk shit about locals and assume they speak no English, myself occasionally included. But the difference here is we're not in the service industry, and not at work at the time. So I just sit there, eat my food, read my paper, and keep listening, never even hinting at the certain piece of information they lacked.
My meal finished, I paid my bill and began to head out. I decided, though, to leave the staff with a parting gift. I went up the bar to the lass who'd been doing most of the serving, and in a perfectly deadpan tone, told her (in English), "You might want to tell your coworkers, some of us foreigners understand Chinese," after which I turned and headed out, but not before seeing the realization dawn on her face. As I headed to the escalators, my ears were met by gasps of shock and embarrassment. lol losing face to a foreigner.
Weak point attacked for massive damage.

OMG MY MUSIC'S BETTER THAN YOURS

2006-10-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

So for the past few days I've been on a major jazz kick, after being driven by Jolin and her ilk to the point where I was about ready to fucking give up on music altogether. I was sorting through my CDs the other day and found my copy of A Love Supreme, and after throwing it into iTunes I remembered why I enjoy that shit. So since then I've been trying to find a decent record store around here with a good selection of jazz (IN BEFORE "lol download it"), and managed to grab a copy of The Blues and the Abstract Truth on an Intarwebs recommendation, with a good half-dozen other CDs lined up for the next few weeks. Also finally realized that Blue Note is like 1km up the road from the new apartment, so that's a large serving of win too.

To close, enjoy this shit - Miles Davis and John Coltrane performing So What from the album Kind of Blue:

MP3 downloads:
John Coltrane - Acknowledgment (track 1 from A Love Supreme)
Miles Davis - So What (track 1 from Kind of Blue)

lol internet

2006-10-14T04:19:00.000+08:00

lolz i'm drinking and internetting

IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER

2006-10-12T02:34:00.001+08:00

firin mah lazer
Originally uploaded by Tetsuo1.

SHOOP DA WHOOP!

EDIT: Jesus Christ you cockholsters, at least read some of the rest of the blog. Fucking Google leeches, you're lucky I don't just lemonparty this.

And this is why Taiwan is inevitably doomed to failure....

2006-05-26T11:50:00.000+08:00

This is, believe it or not, a campaign commercial for a guy running for Taipei City council. Yes, all of Taiwanese politics is more or less this retarded.

I have a band of men, and all they do is play for me.

2006-05-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

In a sign of everything that is messed up, wrong, and cool about this country, banners have been flying from lampposts Taipei wide announcing June's big event:

The "British Elvis" is making his way to these shores, July 20. And who, the few of you who are too daft and/or foreign to miss the reference in the title may ask, is the "British Elvis"?

Englebert. Motherfucking. Humperdinck.

This is possibly the only remotely cool possible "big-name" *coughcough* concert to hit Taipei of late, coming as it does in a series with Paul Anka, Andy Williams, and Air Supply. Yeah, we rocking it hardcore here, Far Eastside, biatch.

Now all I need to do is find out if he's going to do that song and I may actually consider it.

That's no good, it just looks like a vagina.

2006-04-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

Rarely seen behind-the-scenes footage of Gladiator unveiled.

The Borrowers

2006-04-25T16:18:00.000+08:00

So, I'm a tool. So far, in the space of a few weeks, I've managed to lose:

All the data - including the MP3s I had yet to back up, which was about half of them - on my hard-drive, by blindly reformatting the whole fucking thing.
A 1-Gig USB drive with my email and bookmarks and work from the past couple of months on it.
My fucking digital camera.

Socks I can deal with. Loose change, big deal. Even my keys. But FFS, this is just getting retarded.

Once More into the Breech...

2006-04-17T00:45:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah. No lofty promises this time though. Self-imposed semi-exile from the Intarwebs complete, shit being gotten together. See, I even prettied up the place. And semi-exile because aside from work, teh intarnets are pretty much being entirely used for World of Warcraft. That shit is addictive. Like the crack fairy flies in your window and sprinkles magical ~~fairy~~ crack dust all over the keyboard every night while you sleep.

Oh, and if any of you lot have Skype, throw the details up here or something. I'll look up my name on it and edit it in here or something later. But it's like 1am and I (sadly) spent about 3 and a half of the past four hours whupping the shit out of Wailing Caverns and so I'm tired.

Happy Chinese New Year

2006-01-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

And to any of you Taipeiers reading this - HAHA SUCK ON THAT WINTERY GOODNESS, while I luxuriate in the warm suns of Sihanoukville. Cambodia rocks so far. Poor as fuck and kind of disturbing, but the food and accomodation are cheap as, and god damn if the food isn't great here. Not that I've had any actual Khmer food yet, it's all been Western (plus Indian tonight), but still. Got another three days here in Sihanoukville, then back up to Phnom Penh and then Taipei and then work. Bugger. Once I get back to Taipei I'll whack up a few photos - no child whore photos though, you fucking perverts. Although it's really fucked up walking around here and seeing billboards and shit proclaiming, "Sexually exploiting children is a CRIME" and shit. While I know - unfortunately better than I wish I ever had to thanks to... certain people - that there are fuckups in this world who get a kick out of that... just... WTF? Seriously.

The Triumphant Return

2006-01-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

Yeah, there's not going to be a hell of a lot in this post, but it's only intended for one thing - to show I'm not dead yet, bitches. I'll be getting back to this thing again, after what, six months of break? Anyway, I'll get to posting at least once a week, even if it's just a piece of shit like this. If I can find my fucking digicam again, there should be some good stuff coming up in a couple of weeks, after Chinese New Year....

Welcome back

2005-07-17T12:07:00.000+08:00

Well, got back to Taiwan fine. Fuck me if it isn't hot as shit here though. Took a couple of days to get back into it, and work was already waiting for me by the time I got back in. Best thing though? Got back just in time for this piece of shit:
(pic was taken at about 7:30am Taiwan time. It's much closer now, at about 12pm.)
The first typhoon of the season, Super Typhoon Haitang. Yes, SUPER typhoon. This is going to be one big motherfucker of a storm this is. Should be fun.

Well that failed.

2005-06-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

Bugger left his bloody cellphone at home, so no backstage goodies for me. Poopies. And even the "dumb foreigner" card failed, which is highly unusual.

Concert was class though. If I can dig up any photos online tomorrow or Monday I'll post 'em up here - couldn't take any of my own 'cause I lent my camera to (flatmate) Brian for his two-week vacation to China, which he is presently in the middle of.

Yeah yeah

2005-06-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

So I'm a lazy prick. Suck it.

Anyway, tomorrow night I'm finally heading out to my first proper concert here - Wu Bai & China Blue (l/p: waterbee6/eebretaw6). Wasn't too convinced about whether or not to go, despite the fact I really do dig their latest CD, but got talked into it by a friend of Kevin (Lakulaku owner) - and that friend turned out to be Xiao Zhu, the bassist and band leader for China Blue. Me, Kevin, and Kaori ended up spending like 3 hours chilling out and drinking with Xiao Zhu and some of his mates, during which he ended up talking me into going to the concert. Now, for you Kiwis still reading, this will mean nothing, but considering Wu Bai & China Blue are basically the godfathers of Taiwanese rock, and have been going hard for like 13 years and still kick ass, and are famous as hell, this was a fucking trip and a half. So I'm thinking I might try and weasel my way back stage tomorrow night too.

EDIT: Some music video clips available here.

In other news - I've finally got my ticket back to NZ booked. I'm flying out from Taipei on the 28th of June, flying via Bangkok to Auckland, and staying 'till the 11th of July.

Fuck me backwards with half an onion...

2005-03-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

What a bastard few days I've had. Looks like the keyboard thing was an omen - working on a Friday deadline project for Sinorama last Thursday night and the whole damned piece of crap machine died. Power supply blew, as it turns out. So after losing a couple of days to that and arsing about trying to get everything repaired (both hardware and data wise), I spend the next couple of days working till like 4am getting the work finished, plus having to work at the cram school Monday and today, and bloody Monday ended up being like a 9 hour day at the cram school with only a half-hour break. Then thanks to the tiredness I fly right off the handle at my boss at Sinorama and we exchange a few snippy e-mails - my having to delay the deadline on that work ended up causing her a few problems as well - and on top of having to spend the money on fixing my computer, and yesterday's students at the school ending up with harder-than-usual stuff to translate - one was five pages from a student of fine arts, sculpting to be precise, about his studies, his plans, and the aesthetic, theoretical, and artistic concepts behind one of his major pieces, which itself took damn near six hours straight to do, it's like the whole world is conspiring against me. So pretty much I'm having the biggest "Fuck Taiwan, fuck this shit hard" day today. Although I did just get an e-mail back from the translation boss at Sinorama apologzing for her going off the deep end at me after I apologized to her, so at least I didn't manage to screw that up too bad. Still, not exactly the best period of time in my life today. Sick, tired, stroppy, and busy; what a shitty combination.

Slide

2005-03-09T02:28:00.000+08:00

Sliding
Originally uploaded by Tetsuo1.

A kid surfing down one of the concrete slides at Da'an Forest Park.

Rockin'

2005-03-09T02:09:00.000+08:00

This cram school job has taught me a valuable lesson about Chinese culture. Punctuality is not part of it. Anywhere. I had a student booked in for a 1pm appointment, doing nine pages of translation. So I wrap up my 11:30 with like 10 minutes to go, rip out and grab a quick lunch of a chicken shawarma and some orange juice, then get back in time for the 1 o'clock. 1:30 - still no student. 1:45 - zip. 2:00 and I'm out of there. Screw 'em. I got better things to do. (Actually that's debatable. Other things, yes. Better, maybe not.) So I clock out. And unless that student has a bloody good reason why they fucked me about, when they book in again, I hope they're not expecting quality work. If they don't give a fuck, why should I?

Anyway, tomorrow should be better. Hopefully I've still only got my 10 o'clock, then I can get home, get more of my damn Sinorama work done, and get some dinner before heading out to The Living Room for some musical stylings. Heading out there with Joyce and Kaori, and probably Black Willy I imagine, if he can pass up the lure of pizza and booze.

Orangina!

2005-03-08T02:46:00.000+08:00

Orangina!
Originally uploaded by Tetsuo1.

What, the name made me titter like a schoolgirl. It sounds like either a sex toy or an STD.

HALLO FROM TEH FUTUER OF COMPUTINGS

2005-03-08T02:26:00.000+08:00

OK, so I got the goddamned keyboard piece of shit worked out... that old keyboard is officially screwed. Kind of a shame, it was a comfortable thing, but ah well. But in its place I'm now rocking the hardcore wireless stylez - wireless keyboard, wireless mouse, wireless network... I AM TEH MAN OF TEH FUTURES.

And of all the luck, I get that shit sorted out only to find out that the bigass job I'd been negotiating before has officially been half-postponed. Apparently the magazine is still "in discussions" with the Government Information Office over how they want the stuff translated. What is there to discuss? You have it in Chinese and want it in English. Hardly neurosurgery. Mweh, whatever. Still got the proofing, but I've done most of that already, now I'm just slacking as always.

Had a blast from the relatively recent past since like Saturday - an old classmate from back at university is back in Taipei for a week or so at the moment. Been quite nice having an old familiar face about. Haven't hung out much yet, since I've been at work and/or he's been catching up with old friends from last time he was up here (he lived in Taipei for like six years until 2002). But he's crashing out in the lounge for the week, so there's a bit of hanging out. Plus he bought along some chocolate and salt & vinegar chips from back home, which is total gold.

God I can't wait for work to fully slack off. I need to have some time to get out and actually do some shit. So sick of the work-home-sleep-work-home-sleep shit.

Oh yeah, while I remember - had some fun on Sunday morning at about 3 am. Twin earthquakes, both apparently 5.9 Richter, one after the other, followed by a couple of aftershocks. Rocked mighty hell out of the apartment, but didn't manage to knock anything down amazingly. Pulled the front sliding door open an inch or two though, which is impressive because it's a task and a half to open that piece of shit by hand.

Unforeseen Circumstances; or Reasons Not To Drink Coffee At The Computer

2005-03-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

I was about to type up an actual update, but I just managed to spill half of a big-ass cup of coffee all in my keyboard and now it's acting all kinds of funky and doing weird shit when I hit certain keys (like Backspace). Given that I've got like 40 pages of editing work and approximately a metric assload of translation shit to do in the next couple of weeks, this is not a good thing. Hopefully the piece of shit dries out OK overnight. Otherwise I guess I'll need to get a new keyboard. Which sucks 'cause this one's hell comfortable for typing, all ergonomic and not made anymore and shit. Ah well. That's what I get for not cleaning my desk I guess.

In the meantime read this shit and enjoy it. It works best if you actually go from right at the start of the archives, but considering it's been going for like three and a half years I could understand not doing that.

Photos from Lakulaku last Friday

2005-02-22T01:37:00.001+08:00

As a brief intro, aforementioned young lass is a Japanese girl by the name of Kaori, a busker by "trade" for want of a better term, who performs live every Friday night at a Japanese (ish) bar/restaurant by the name of Lakulaku (#3, Alley 7, Lane 137, Yanji St, Taipei City - 台北市延吉街137巷7弄3號1樓) run by a Taiwanese guy, Kevin. In between her sets, sometimes some of the customers, or even Kevin himself, will take to the stage and perform impromptu, it's a fully informal setup. One particularly noteworthy regular is another Taiwanese guy whose English name is - get this - Slaughter. Seriously. Anyway, he's a big Tenacious D fan, and part of a ska band, and so sometimes he'll get up and start rocking out on the electric guitar playing Tribute, Fuck Her Gently, or Kielbasa. And he's just a hell of a loose unit in general too. Great guy really. Anyway, here go the photos from last week:

Kevin (owner of Lakulaku) and Kaori

Kaori on stage

Catgirl Kaori

Forumosa Happy Hour photos

2005-02-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

Irene, Joyce, and Wally

Wally, male model. Or not.

Westsyde biatch!

Joyce, drinking from a big girl glass.

The Forumosa Cake

Chris and Reiner

Gwailo 2: Electric Boogaloo

2005-02-22T01:02:00.000+08:00

Well, it's now officially both the Western New Year and the Chinese one, and in line with that (and because I've forgotten the password to my old, long-neglected blog), I'm starting afresh. Since it's 1am and I've only just finished setting this piece of shit up, I'm not going to post too much. Basic rundown of life at present:

Taipei is one cold bastard of a city in winter. We're talking lows in the single digits. Visible breath. All the nice shit. And yet people still run their goddamned aircons.
Just bought a digicam, so for the first time in the year+ I've been here I've actually got a camera that'll allow me to share a few pics of the place, starting in this post. Cam only cost like NT$1500 (about NZ$75/US$50) too, second-hand. It's hardly state of the art, but it's better than a kick in the balls.
Work at my buxiban (cram school) is slowing down, finally, and while the pay was excellent I'm glad for the more relaxed hours. Sinorama work is still as thin on the ground as it has been for the past few months. Picked up a project from a client I worked for a couple of months ago (Dadi Zazhi, aka Earth Geographic (I think)), editing the English draft of a book they're publishing. That's about 30,000 words, give or take, at NT$0.6 per word, plus NT$2 per Chinese character for any additional translation required, so I'm looking at about NT$20,000 out of that (about NZ$1000/US$700) for three weeks work, on top of everything else I'm doing.
Did I mention it's fucking cold?
Current love interest is also currently spoken for by a boring twat of a pommy boyfriend. Speedbump only. By means fair or foul, I will ensure he is removed from the picture.
Got on the telly here tonight as part of the Forumosa Happy Hour at The Tavern last night.

And that's about it really. I'll submit this now and see if I can lob on a couple of the better photos related to this badboy in a moment.